Not Yet

by Charles Chaim Wax

I arrived at Parkside Memorial Chapel at 10:15. When I walked into the lobby Michael Tarr was already waiting. I mumbled, "How the hell do you do it? You always get someplace before me."

"An aspect of genius, buddy boy, not that I'm putting you down, or nothing like that."

We walked into the Chapel. I saw Howard Keeler, Murray Goldsmith, Matthew Connor, and Susan Peabody from Spinoza High School. Only four teachers had shown up.

I strode up front and looked at Henry in the coffin. As usual the face was flattened and broader than in life because now no facial muscles supported the flesh. I stepped aside to give Tarr a chance to view the body. He proclaimed, "You look good, Henry."

I turned and saw Sophie in the first row. Her face was white as a sheet. I went to her and said, "I am sorry for your loss." She stared at me. "We met briefly in the Special Bookstore, last Thursday, around 3:30, maybe 4 o'clock."

"Henry was such a good man."

"Yes," I sighed. Tarr walked to us. I didn't know if he knew Sophie.

I said, "This is Sophie."

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance, even under these sad circumstances."

Just then Chevon walked into the Chapel. I was shocked to see her. She wore a black dress and low black pumps. The black dress made her appear older than her nineteen years. She strode down the aisle like a mature woman in the prime of life. Perhaps the practice for the Senior Fashion Show at Spinoza had instilled a new confidence and poise. She stepped onto the raised platform where the coffin rested and immediately made the sign of the Cross, even though Henry was Jewish. She stared at the body. Then she leaned forward and gently lowered her upper torso and kissed Henry on the lips. I was shocked when she did that--shocked she kissed Henry as he lay in the coffin, and shocked she kissed him on the lips. When she stood and turned I waved to her. She walked to us.

I exclaimed, "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Mr. Loftus was my Guidance Counselor when I was a Junior."

"Yes, Henry Loftus touched many lives, and enriched all who knew him," Tarr intoned.

Sophie gazed at Chevon. At last she asked, "Did you kiss Henry?"

"Yes."

"A fond farewell for a perfect gentleman," Tarr intoned.

"A perfect gentleman," Sophie whispered.

"Indeed, indeed," Tarr sighed.

Sophie whispered, "We were engaged to be married."

Tarr immediately babbled, "Congratulations."

Chevon stared at him in disbelief.

"We were so alike," Sophie whispered. "We both cared for our beloved mothers until they passed away. A child should do that..."

"Without question," Tarr asserted. "Honor thy father and thy mother. One of the commandments, one of the top ones, if not the top."

"Can you get chairs and sit. My neck hurts from looking up," Sophie sighed.

"Indeed," Tarr asserted. He went to the left aisle and lifted a chair. Unfortunately, the row of seats were all locked together so he could not lift a single chair. He began to drag the entire row across the aisle. I went and helped him. At last we managed to turn the entire row around so it faced Sophie and the three women sitting with her.

"So much trouble for a seat," she sighed.

"Not at all, my dear," Tarr declared.

Chevon, Tarr, and myself sat and faced Sophie and the three women with her.

Chevon said, "Mr. Loftus always made time for students, even if he had to stay after school."

"Generous and noble--yes, yes," Tarr asserted.

Sophie began to sob. Her heavy body heaved rapidly up and down in desperate gasps for air.

Tarr mumbled, "Where's the damn air conditioner? It's needed at a time like this."

"He was so generous," Sophie murmured.

"Indeed," Tarr affirmed. "I remember, five years ago, if memory serves me correctly, Jean-Claude Lim, maybe Jean-Claude Pierre, perhaps Pierre Jean-Claude, in any case, he couldn't buy his dear mother a Mother's Day present cause, well, to be honest, he lost the money playin' dice in front of Party Place on Snyder Avenue, and Henry gave Jean-Claude Pierre/Pierre Jean-Claude, or some combination thereof, $5 from his own pocket so his dear mother would not be disappointed, but, and here we see the wisdom of Henry, along with that aforesaid $5 he gave a lecture on the evils of gambling. And that lecture turned around Jean-Claude Pierre/Pierre Jean-Claude to such an extent, and amazingly so because he never was at the top, academically speaking, that he won Most Improved Student in his senior year. GENEROUS, I should say so, yes, indeed, indeed." Tarr's eyes began to well with tears and he lowered his head and sighed deeply.

The Rabbi walked down the aisle and ascended the platform to stand before the podium. Suddenly Sophie leaped up and shrieked, "NOT YET." She gasped for air and shrieked again, "NOT YET."

"The sad moment to say our sad good-byes has arrived, dear Sophie," Tarr sighed.

Once again Sophie shrieked, "NOT YET. Please...just a few more minutes...please. I beg you with all my heart...please."

Tarr was tremendously moved by her words. He stood and walked to the platform and whispered something to the Rabbi. The Rabbi whispered to him. Tarr whispered back. The Rabbi returned the whisper. Then Tarr bellowed, "DAMN YOUR BLASTED SCHEDULE." The Rabbi did not return Tarr's bellow with a bellow but whispered once more. Tarr asserted, "Thank you, your Honor." The Rabbi stepped from the platform and walked along the aisle toward the exit. Tarr hopped down, returned to his seat, and mumbled, "Ten minutes cause he got to do the Baumann Service right after."

"Thank you, Mr. Tarr."

"I could do no less, dear Sophie."

Sophie trudged to the coffin and bent to kiss Henry one last time. Then her legs seemed to buckle. Tarr lunged toward the platform. I followed at once because I knew he could not support her weight all by himself. We helped Sophie to her seat. "Such a good man," she sighed and paused to stare at the coffin. Then she mumbled, "But he couldn't get it up to fuck me."

I was shocked at her statement, especially by the use of the word "fuck" and more so at a time like this. Chevon stared at Sophie but I couldn't detect any bewildered emotion on her face.

Tarr murmured, "He tried, I am sure." How he could make that statement was utterly unbelievable to me, but he always attempted to smooth over a delicate situation.

Sophie continued, "I know I could never have a child at this age..." She paused and closed her eyes. At last she murmured, "Fifty-two and two hundred and eighty-seven pounds."

Tarr responded, "Well, uh, not that I want to disagree with you, Sophie, at such a sad time, but the wonders of modern medicine should never be underestimated, by that I mean, I seen on the TV, last Wednesday, possibly Tuesday, this here Italian woman of the age of fifty-six gave birth to triplets which under any circumstances is unusual, in the marvelous sense of that word. They dropped eggs in her easy as you please and nine months later she held them babies pretty as you please. So, despair not, hope on and on because truly hope does spring eternal in the human breast."

Sophie moaned, "So many years of devotion--for what?" The words "for what?" sounded so bitter that no one dared proffer an answer. She continued, "My mother...his mother...they dug their claws in and only death released us...that's why we got along so well. We were so alike. And this was our chance to salvage a bit of happiness, for the time we had left being that Henry was sixty-eight, but it ended before it began..."

"You shall always have the memory of the time you spent with Henry. Memories are precious, so precious. They carry us past the sad times, like a great boat across the night sea of sadness until another dawn, and there's always be another dawn. Yes, yes, it is so. And as much as I loved dear Henry, like a brother, dear Sophie, another soul shall enter your world. Not that any man could ever replace Henry Loftus, but you must go on. Henry would want you to go on. This sad time of mourning shall pass, and, being that you're still a young woman, in the prime of life, you'll secure yourself a lover, but, uh, try to get one with proper functioning, if you know what I mean, and being a woman of the world I know you know what I mean so I do not have to spell out the specific biology of the matter, not at a time like this, and not with this here delicate young girl sitting to my left."

Sophie stared at Tarr for a moment and then exclaimed, "I can't imagine what you must think of me, to even mention such a thing, at a time like this, but...I...I feel so much rage...I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to soothe myself. I don't know if it's madness or passion--my whole life went away before I knew it went away. I WANT IT BACK. I don't know how to get it back. I thought with Henry because his soul and my soul were caught in the same nightmare we could nourish each other. It sounds so stupid to talk about a limp dick before a coffin--I wanted to feel like a woman." Sophie shook her head back and forth, like a puppet." I wanted to get married in June, to be a June Bride. Henry wanted to get married in October because he hated the hot weather and didn't want to go on a honeymoon during the summer months. I said, Fine because at our age what was a few months, and if that was what he wanted...but who knew such a thing like this would happen? Now I'll die an old maid..."

"For shame, Sophie. You are a very desirable woman," Tarr declared.

"I'll never find any one to love me like Henry."

"The man was a saint, for sure, but in this wide world you shall find love again. Henry would want you to marry. He would not want you to pine away with grief..."

"I can't stop eating."

"Well, uh, I can see food is, uh, something of an issue, but Steve here is an expert on losing weight so he could advise you on the proper nutritional materials and substances for shedding a coupla pounds, more than a couple, if you should so desire. Ain't that right, Steve?"

"Yes."

"We both wasted our lives...soul mates..."

"There's plenty of guys who wasted their lives out there. You'll find another," Tarr asserted.

The Rabbi entered the Chapel and strode down the aisle. He looked at Tarr. Tarr nodded his head. The Rabbi stepped to the podium. He began reading from a prayer book in Hebrew. Tarr's lips instantaneously began to move, as if he were repeating the Rabbi's words. I was amazed because I knew he did not speak a word of Hebrew.

At last the Rabbi finished the reading in Hebrew and continued on in English. "We are here to honor Henry Loftus. Although I did not know him personally his outstanding service of forty years at Spinoza High School is a clarion call proclaiming the good works he accomplished throughout the long years of his dedicated service." Suddenly the Rabbi switched to Hebrew and also seemed to increase the rapidity of his delivery. I noticed Tarr's lips began to move as soon as the Rabbi converted to Hebrew. They seemed a blur of motion because the lips jiggled so furiously.

Without warning Sophie stood and exclaimed, "I have the rings." The Rabbi did not interrupt his Hebraic sprightliness. Sophie shrieked, "I HAVE THE RINGS." This time the Rabbi stopped speaking. Sophie continued, "I want you to marry us, Rabbi."

He gawked at her for a moment and then sighed, "That is not possible."

Sophie moaned, "I want you to marry us, Rabbi."

Once again he sighed, "That is not possible."

Sophie moaned loudly, "I don't want to die an old maid."

The Rabbi remained at the podium, but seemed at a loss for words. I don't think he was prepared for such a request. He lowered his eyes and began reading from the prayer book in Hebrew.

I looked at Tarr. His lips did not respond to the Rabbi's. I had known him long enough to know he was plunged deep in thought. At last he mumbled, "Can't do no harm." The Rabbi continued to recite his frenetic Hebrew. Tarr cleared his throat and exclaimed, "I said, Can't do not harm." The Rabbi did not lift his eyes from the Prayer book. He had increased his speed so that the words sounded, at this point, like a single long wail. Tarr thundered, "LIKE I SAID, CAN'T DO NO HARM."

The Rabbi stopped, lifted his eyes, and mumbled, "One more page, please, for the deceased."

Tarr stood and exclaimed, "The Almighty is merciful. Now I ain't no Talmudic Scholar, although I did dabble a bit, many years ago, during a mystic moment of my life, in the Kabbala, and if memory serves me correctly, in translation that is, I recall readin' a rule about bendin' the rules when a Pure Heart makes an earnest request in a Holy Place, and this here is a Holy Place."

The Rabbi stared at him and as soon as Tarr had finished his peroration he began to intone in Hebrew.

Tarr leaped on the platform and slammed the Prayer book shut and exclaimed, "Just a cottonpickin' minute there, your Honor. No disrespect intended but the way I was brought up when a man speaks to another man, even one as Exalted as you, a response is forthcoming, and one in English, I might add."

The Rabbi mumbled, "He's dead."

Tarr gaped at him. I could sense he was disappointed at the Rabbi's answer. He responded, "Is that the sum and substance of your learning, sir?"

The Rabbi mumbled, "He's dead."

Tarr thundered, "THE SOUL IS ETERNAL."

The Rabbi shot a quick glance at his watch and whispered, "I'm already late for the Baumann Funeral."

"If you cut the palaver they coulda been married already. How long does it take to utter eight words: I pronounce you man and wife. Not eight. SIX. I stand corrected."

"It is my solemn duty as a Rabbi to conclude the funeral service. I beseech you to allow me to complete the prayers."

The Rabbi's voice trembled as he spoke. I thought Tarr would cease and desist at this point, but he did not. He bellowed, "BE A MENSCH."

The Rabbi laughed a nervous laugh and asserted once more "He's dead" in the hope that this self-evident truth would finally penetrate Tarr's consciousness.

"Irrelevant," Tarr countered, with a hint of impatience.

"He can't say 'I do,'" the Rabbi babbled.

"He'll do just fine," Tarr responded. "Of course every man got the jitters before he gets hitched, to be expected, no damn big deal."

The Rabbi moaned, "What you ask is a sin against the laws of man and God."

"How dare you speak to me of sin, sir? Speak rather of your own, to deny to this good woman a simple request which would bring immeasurable joy to all involved. What's that? Did you hear him? Yes. Indeed. I'm doing my best, Henry, but I'm dealing with a blockhead...no disrespect intended, your Honor. 'I do. I do. I do.' Calm down, Henry, I hear you. 'I do. I do. I do.' Now don't upset yourself at a time like this, dear Henry." The Rabbi jumped off the platform and raced up the aisle. Tarr shrieked, "RUNNING AWAY AIN'T NO KINDA ANSWER, BUDDY BOY." Then he stepped from the platform and sat down and mumbled, "Where'd you get that guy?"

Sophie sighed, "The Chapel. Henry wasn't religious. He didn't attend Synagogue."

"What's going to happen now?" Chevon asked.

Tarr stood and strode up the aisle. Five minutes later he returned and proclaimed, "The hearse is ready. The guy said there'd be another Rabbi at the cemetery to finish up the prayers. If he got half a brain I'll convince him to perform the ceremony, but if he don't got half a brain, what can I do?"

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply the sanctified air. The convoluted farewell for my dear colleague, Henry Luftus, was not what I had expected.